Extrasensory deprivation

Everyone has their shortcomings.  My most prevalent shortcoming (at least, far as I can tell) ironically, has everything to do with words. Communication, or lack of it. Before I continue, a disclaimer: I don't intend for this to come out as a "I'm to blame for everything" scenario. If it does, then it's something else I have to pay close attention to.

Words dominate, permeate and define me more than anything else. I was an avid and voracious reader from a very young age. From encyclopaedia to Spanish fairy tales (that means from Spain, and not referring to the language), my mom couldn't have enough unread material in the house. As a result, I developed a large vocabulary pretty early on.

This ability also affected me socially. Words were a big influence on my psychosocial development; how I related to peers, how I was perceived by teachers, parents, and other students my age. Due in part to how differently I talked than other kids my age, would-be friends began to define me as a smarty-pants. So did teachers. And parents. And tests were administered to measure it. And I was put on a public platform to display it. And why I wasn't ruling the world by the age of ten became a point of contention. And that I was a "wierdo" because I wasn't obsessing about makeup and dating; I spent most of my free time reading.

So my knowledge of words became one of my strongest lines of defense. Honestly, who doesn't use what they have to gain some equilibrium/dominate an interpersonal exchange? This, however, is unevolved and just plain stupid. I've always thought the people who you choose to surround yourself define you. Well, that's one aspect of self-definition, anyways. But ultimately, the problem is ego. How much smarter do I sound than the next person? Have I made my point? Shut up and listen to me; I'm right and you're wrong...

A seed was planted the other day as I heard and watched very negative conversations. The word "hate" was thrown around frequently and without reservation. I began to wonder, am I like that? In light of my recently being laid off and other communication breakdowns, it all came together that maybe I was. I've been called overly defensive - oh, yeah, there's also the cultural component; I'm a relocated New Yorker living in Miami. So what I take as normal communication, others perceive as brash.

I, me, I... ego. Not being able to get a word in edgewise during a conversation and feeling that knot of frustration grow in my stomach. Being misunderstood or ignored. Me, me, me. Why couldn't I just shut up and listen instead?

Well, why not?

I've made the decision to, in the near to immediate future, take a 24 vow of silence. As Brian put it, no words. No texting, no e-mailing, no talking. Just listen. Try and better understand others and myself. Tame that ego.

I thought about the four noble truths and how, to me, silence is the most powerful one. Yes, it makes sense. I might even do it once a month.

Brian suggested a day of not receiving any word-based communication. No reading, no watching television, no music with lyrics, no computer. Initially, I dismissed it as counter-productive but then I got to thinking, it is in essence the exact opposite, and therefore part of the whole in this introspection.

A segue:
After having put it down half-read, I picked up The Celestine Prophecy again last night. Later on, when Brian came home, we talked about the book, my future day of silence, and non-verbal communication. Then this morning, I stumbled across this link:

http://www.jnforensics.com/

Which has everything to do with decoding human non-verbal communication.

Coincidence? I think not.

This is an entry on horoscopes (and other mumbo jumbo)

So, I have a thing for horoscopes. I haven't met someone yet who doesn't to some minor degree. In the interest of following my instincts and listening to my inner voice (there's a new moon eclipse in my twelfth house of insight, secrets and imagination), I'm going all out.

This, in particular, tickled me. I want to paraphrase and make it my own in the future:


Your words and ideas can transport others beyond the world as they know it and into the world as they wish it could be.

HELL YEAH!!!

Side track:
Apparently, if someone is keeping secrets from me, they won't be able to for much longer. While I value honesty above almost all other traits, I really don't waste my time speculating on other people's intentions. If they're being two-faced, that's their problem. Must suck to be them, though.

Last night, I had a curious and rather nice dream. While walking down the street in a night-time amalgam of Downtown Miami and New York (I guess I still miss the north some), I entered an equally architecturally integrated multi-storied building. I then took the elevator up to my new apartment. A corner apartment. With a wraparound balcony. Overlooking the bay. It was gorgeous. I remember exploring my bad-ass digs and discovering I had a brand-new grill outside, just waiting to be fired up.

Then I was sailing over the murky night waters helping pick up the oil spill. I had something like a net.

Day time activities await.

Groggy Blog

This is a halfway-through-my-first-cup-of-coffee entry. I just wanted to see what would happen (to me).

See, I compulsively edit all the posts I put on here, but not today. Is it Maya Angelou who said "being a natural writer is like being a natural heart surgeon"? Yes, grammatically incorrect punctuation placement. I'm aware of it. Leave it where it is.

The creative process is as varied as the human condition. I actually haven't heard too much about other people's creative process, save for Brian's (which, I think, involves a major spike in stress prior to performing). My creative process involves being in touch with my subconscious. Man that sounds foofy.

Basically, a good percentage of my inspiration comes from my dreams. I'm chased by enlightened space bananas, trip over a malicious marshmallow, wake up and POOF! Stream of consciousness comes pouring out - amorphous, fluid and fast. I remember being much weirder and, well, wittier when I was a kid. I think it had something to do with not caring what other people thought of me as much. I amused the hell out of me. I used to get a lot of inspiration from that, too. Nowadays, not so much.

This is probably why grown-up artists rely so heavily on "substances" to enhance their askew-ness. I'm sure there's an article or a thousand about that somewhere, I'm just too lazy to look for it right now.

So my blog post is all about tapping into that for the moment. Doesn't seem to be working as well as I thought it would; I'm still really groggy.

Oh, a side note: I said I'd put some alternative health tips on here, and I didn't. I haven't forgotten, but I want to give requests a try. I'll address that in a separate post.