Everyone has their shortcomings. My most prevalent shortcoming (at least, far as I can tell) ironically, has everything to do with words. Communication, or lack of it. Before I continue, a disclaimer: I don't intend for this to come out as a "I'm to blame for everything" scenario. If it does, then it's something else I have to pay close attention to.
Words dominate, permeate and define me more than anything else. I was an avid and voracious reader from a very young age. From encyclopaedia to Spanish fairy tales (that means from Spain, and not referring to the language), my mom couldn't have enough unread material in the house. As a result, I developed a large vocabulary pretty early on.
This ability also affected me socially. Words were a big influence on my psychosocial development; how I related to peers, how I was perceived by teachers, parents, and other students my age. Due in part to how differently I talked than other kids my age, would-be friends began to define me as a smarty-pants. So did teachers. And parents. And tests were administered to measure it. And I was put on a public platform to display it. And why I wasn't ruling the world by the age of ten became a point of contention. And that I was a "wierdo" because I wasn't obsessing about makeup and dating; I spent most of my free time reading.
So my knowledge of words became one of my strongest lines of defense. Honestly, who doesn't use what they have to gain some equilibrium/dominate an interpersonal exchange? This, however, is unevolved and just plain stupid. I've always thought the people who you choose to surround yourself define you. Well, that's one aspect of self-definition, anyways. But ultimately, the problem is ego. How much smarter do I sound than the next person? Have I made my point? Shut up and listen to me; I'm right and you're wrong...
A seed was planted the other day as I heard and watched very negative conversations. The word "hate" was thrown around frequently and without reservation. I began to wonder, am I like that? In light of my recently being laid off and other communication breakdowns, it all came together that maybe I was. I've been called overly defensive - oh, yeah, there's also the cultural component; I'm a relocated New Yorker living in Miami. So what I take as normal communication, others perceive as brash.
I, me, I... ego. Not being able to get a word in edgewise during a conversation and feeling that knot of frustration grow in my stomach. Being misunderstood or ignored. Me, me, me. Why couldn't I just shut up and listen instead?
Well, why not?
I've made the decision to, in the near to immediate future, take a 24 vow of silence. As Brian put it, no words. No texting, no e-mailing, no talking. Just listen. Try and better understand others and myself. Tame that ego.
I thought about the four noble truths and how, to me, silence is the most powerful one. Yes, it makes sense. I might even do it once a month.
Brian suggested a day of not receiving any word-based communication. No reading, no watching television, no music with lyrics, no computer. Initially, I dismissed it as counter-productive but then I got to thinking, it is in essence the exact opposite, and therefore part of the whole in this introspection.
A segue:
After having put it down half-read, I picked up The Celestine Prophecy again last night. Later on, when Brian came home, we talked about the book, my future day of silence, and non-verbal communication. Then this morning, I stumbled across this link:
http://www.jnforensics.com/
Which has everything to do with decoding human non-verbal communication.
Coincidence? I think not.
4 comments:
I think you're over-thinking it. From one word nerd to another, we are, indeed, freaks of nature. What separates us from the human-zees around us is our ability to paint verbal pictures so sharp, you can cut people in half with them. What you may see as the reason du jour to humble yourself, I see as a reason for the ig'nant masses to step up their game.
I wholly understand where you're coming from. I believe that people like us have these feelings from time to time because people don't quite understand how to relate to another person who reads and writes at more than a fif' grade level.
The ability to communicate became the foundation for society. The ability to communicate better than nearly 99 percent of the blah-blah-blah'ers on the planet makes us the most needed and reviled ilk in the world. It is our double-edged gift. It is our double-edged curse.
Don't sweat it. People are morons. They understand the wisdom that there's safety in numbers because they can't understand concepts of higher learning and communication. Let your talent and resolve be watershed. Go forth and be the unholy word-bender you are. And eff' the rest of the world.
When the world starts getting you down because it can't understand your natural vocabulary or you're not living up to its expectations, politely tell it where it can go in your otherworldly vernacular. Then, watch it thank you for having told it to fuck off.
Indeed, there are also benefits to having a grandiloquent vocabulary. Use them wisely and to your amusement as best you can.
Correction: I misspoke (ha) when referencing the four noble truths. The four noble truths are the basis of Buddhism.
What I meant to say was the four powers of the Sphinx:
To know
To will
To dare
To keep silent.
Nyn, thank you for reading my blog post. My overall intent was to relay how I frequently get caught in my own circumlocution.
I just want to see what happens. I'm curious how others will react (both known and unknown) when they realize they can talk without interruption. I want to know how it will affect me to not communicate for a day, or as Brian so succinctly put it, to "hit the reset button."
I'm fortunate to be in constant communication with intelligent, insightful people. I've also been knocked on my ass by the sheer kindness and insight of complete strangers, many times. If you let them, people will amaze you.
I did something like this when I was a kid; a bet with other friends to see who could go the longest without talking. I don't remember winning. Still the chatterbox, it will present a uniquely strong challenge not to flap my yap and just listen. What's foremost in my mind is if I can actually do it. Hmmm....
Enjoy your day of silence. Don't to hit-up a fast food drive-through though...unless you want the order taker to get annoyed with you. :)
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