It's hard to indulge in describing my life's pattern so far without being self-indulgent. The heck with it.
I'm not one of those people who say they're special; I am special. I always have been. Special, different, odd, pick an adjective. What's even odder is how my abilities have seemingly only served to deter me, not move me forward.
I guess the proper title to this post should be "ignorance is bliss."
I think back on the most recent events; how my divergent career path led me to getting ousted from a job I practically bled for, and how now; I'm kind of stuck. It seems at many times I have been left with no other choice than to assume an independent role of leadership. This, of course, is self-induced.
It is a lonely, uncharted path. All I can do is try at one thing, fail, and hope I learned my lesson enough to move on. It's also difficult to look at the support and ease with which others achieve the things I've striven so hard to accomplish for myself, and have yet to complete. It's easy to get discouraged, and I do get discouraged.
But I'm being true to myself, and that brings me happiness. Even if I don't get recognition, even if others look at me and secretly think they are better in some way, I am free. I am free to struggle and lose on my own terms. I am free to learn humility through the love and support of my friends.
Even in my failures, I celebrate the accomplishment of not having given in and taken the easy route. I just wonder at the current state of things, and what will become of me as a result.
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