My current quandary

I know myself. In a certain light, that may be the crux of my quandary.

Ego.


It's difficult to paraphrase events, because the mind plays tricks on memory. As ultimately self-serving beings (call it the survival instinct), memory is often seen through rose-colored glasses favoring the re-caller.

I'm no psychologist, but that's my explanation for why, when you're retelling something that happened to you to a friend, sometimes you stumble over your words. At least, that's what happens to me.

Wow, I meander too. Basically, I was recounting to a friend about a current sticky situation, and she advised me to "roll with the punches." This is how you get toughened up, and in certain industries, it's a necessary indoctrination. You have to become emotionally mature.

In light of a recent event where I blew up and got all hot under the collar for (in hindsight) not a good enough reason, I think that's in order.

People who are put in your path to toughen you up, my friend said, are the ones who teach you the most. The greater the trial, the greater the reward.

But, where to draw the line? In the end, I can only be myself after all. In the past couple of days, I've alluded to boundaries and all that jazz. Where I draw the line is when I'm pushed past my limit. I want to learn, yes. I defer to a seasoned expert, yes. I do not, however, swallow it until I'm physically ill and developing an ulcer.

As I responded to my friend (Emmy), in my view and in a very challenging situation like this, some people allow themselves to be broken in, others wither and die, and others get fed up, and fight back.

Constructive criticism and tutelage, yes. Character assassination and insult, no.

You hear me? NO.

And I will not quit, either.