I've been living in a fog of apathy. Apathy, to me, is one of the worst forms of evil. The insidious nature gets under your skin and slowly sucks away vitality, drive and purpose.
I admit, I spent the majority of my consciousness feeling sorry for myself. Day in, day out, I'd listlessly apply for jobs, or rather, go through the machinations of looking for work. I already knew I wouldn't get a call for an interview, and in a way, I was glad. After all, I finally set up a freelance writing business. If I got an in-house job, it would effectively nullify my ability to get off the ground independently. What a nice little psychological trap, eh?
See, I realized a while ago I'm not cut out for the nine to five. Ever since I can remember, I've marched to the beat of my own drum. Seriously. I'm not just saying that to validate my quirks. In a way, my quirkiness led to my fascination with psychology. I digress and will revisit that later, maybe.
The concept of work, or societal contribution, means something different to me. Letting go of attachments (I'm not a Buddhist, but I understand the principle) and by attachments I mean material gain, recognition and buying lots of shiny things. What EVER. I don't buy into consumerism, never did. This is why I'm not in advertising, by the way. Not that all advertising is bad, but I've never seen the accumulation of worldly possessions solve anything. Daniel Tosh disagrees. :)
Suffice it to say I remember now. By remembering the catalyst that knocked me from my altruistic path, I've gotten back on it.
It happened in Brazil fifteen years ago...
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