Addiction

So much has been written and portrayed about it. Drugs, alcohol, gambling, you name it. This post isn't about trying to come to terms with the disease, it's my rant about being on the receiving end of watching someone you care about destroy themselves. It's about the helplessness, and the anger that comes along with it.

One of the hardest things I've had to do is walk away from someone who is self-destructing. Family, close friends, ex-boyfriends, all. Here is someone you love and care about, and you try as much as you can to help them. You try to give them hope by staying by your side. Then you realize you're not helping them, you're enabling them.

By staying by their side, you're telling them, "you're not so bad, see? I'm still by your side." Unfortunately, addicts don't realize just how much they've hurt their loved ones until they've lost everything, and all their loved ones have left their side. Having been along for the ride more than once, I had no choice to but jump off before I hit the brick wall along with them.

What pisses me off is the addict's selfishness. I know addiction is a disease, but frankly, I don't think it's fair to have to join a support group to deal with the kind of lifelong scars an addict's behavior leaves behind. The functional addict is the worst. They have the strongest "defense" against getting the help they so badly need. They justify maintaining a steady job or providing for their loved ones, meanwhile the worsening health, the erratic and abusive behavior; the loved one is left scrambling to keep it all together while the addict just keeps using.

It gets to a point where it's just too much, and the loved one has no choice but to turn their back. God that's horrible, but what else can you do? Crash and burn with them? Get into a car and hope they're as sober as they say they are, and not end up in a hospital, jail cell or morgue along with them? And when it does happen, of course, you blame yourself for not being there for them.

But there is NOTHING you can do. I don't know if interventions work, I do know that when an addict hits rock bottom and comes to their own realization what a mess they've made of their life is when they start to change. The will to change and stop the behavior comes from within. No one can force an addict to clean up their act. Maybe if they're pushed hard enough they'll stop for a while, but they'll always end up falling off the wagon again unless the realization and change comes from within them.

Not everyone goes through this change. Some people hit rock bottom and stay there. Others mentally or physically abuse their loved ones until there's nothing left but the addiction and the abuse. So, what is a friend, partner or family member to do when faced with a situation like that?