Diffusion

Sorry for the confusion in my last post, if there is any. I'm completely in a good mood; I'm just making a personal observation.

Due to all the scrutiny I've been under lately, including a character assessment that felt not totally unlike an attack yesterday, I felt the need to air out my thoughts.

It is my fear (as is probably everyone's to some level) that the level of freedom people have to peek into my life without actually communicating with me, may result in a skewed perception of what I'm all about.

There are a myriad of factors converging into the path my decisions and outlook are currently taking. Some factors are public knowledge, others are not. Also, I had a lot of reservations about starting a blog until a wise friend told me to do it for my own sake. This means not editing out thoughts, sentiments or any aspect of my posts for fear of the public "that's not cool" scenario.

Other writers will say caution is a strong cause for staying one's hand when addressing the public. This fear stymied my creativity from seeing the light of day for a long, long time. Then, like magic, I realized the wisdom of my friend's words because in any permutation that addresses the public, you just can't please everyone.

It's a necessary exercise for me, a pretty private person, to become used to displaying my chosen creative medium in a pubic forum. I'm still trying to find my footing, and probably always will to a certain degree. I want my words to uplift, to teach, to amuse and perhaps find common ground with others going through a similar phase (whether it's a happy instance or not).

But overall, my blog is primarily for me. Right now, this is my preferred tool for publicly expounding on my sometimes crazy thoughts. My posts are a one-dimensional aspect of my psyche that bubbles to the surface. This is also true of the impetus for my writing. It is my therapy, my compulsion, my happiness, pain, and travails. Like my clothes or the way I decide to wear my hair that day, my writing is subject to barometric changes; a mutable facet of my public persona. And it feels good to let it all hang out.